This week I had the chance to sit down with two awesome ladies from The Dating Divas, Caroline and Catharine. We talked about the importance and benefits of dating after marriage, how to be an awesome dater, and they gave tons of resources for activities and creating fun memories and conversations.
Follow these steps, and you'll have amazing date nights with your lover. Don't forget to watch the video, and try some of this stuff out!
The beautiful thing about marriage is that there's always room for growth.
Do Your Homework
When you've been married for a few years, or even a few decades, it's easy to just assume you know everything about your spouse. The cool thing about humans is that we're always changing.
It's very possible - and frankly, quite likely - that you've stopped studying your partner like you did when you were first dating... and the result has been a bit of boredom, lack of passion, and in extreme cases maybe even a dead bedroom. It's time to pick up the habit of being interested again.
Start studying what your partner likes and dislikes. What is the first thing they do when they come home from work? What do they like to do when they are stressed out? What are things you used to do together but haven't done in a long time? What things do they talk about regularly that you may not be paying full attention to?
Remember, people are most interesting when you are interested in them.
Plan a date around something new you think your significant other will like. Be thoughtful. Be intentional. And make sure it's about them, not you.
If you want to up the ante in the passion, connection, or intimacy department, it pays to do your homework! (It's ok to keep notes.)
Leave the Stress At Home
It is really easy to turn date night into a gripe session. There's a lot to complain about in life! Your boss, the kids, the housecleaning, your annoying coworker, the house project that is unfinished, the nosey neighbor, there's not enough time, money, space, energy... the list goes on.
Leave that crap behind on date night!
Maybe that means you set a timer for complaining and get it all out at the beginning of the date so you can feel heard and validated. Maybe it means you just save the griping for another day.
Regardless of what you choose to do, don't allow your entire conversation at date night revolve around what's not working. Turning date night into a complaintfest will only make you resent and avoid spending time together in the future.
Instead, focus on victories, celebrations, hopes and dreams you've got. Play a game of "Would You Rather" to get yourself in a more playful mood.
Make date night a positive experience!
Make a Fuss
When was the last time you got all gussied up for each other? When you get out of the yoga pants and put some serious thought into your appearance it creates a mindset for you and your partner that "this is important."
Put on some cologne or eyeliner. Wear a nice collared shirt, or put on a skirt. Shower and brush your teeth. You can even pick your date up (leave the house and knock on the door).
Everyone likes to feel important... so make yourself and your spouse feel important by putting in a bit of effort to look good, and feel good, so your evening will also be good.
Date night is one of the best habits you can develop as a couple. It has the greatest positive effect on your relationship when it's happening regularly. Put it on your calendar. Make it a priority.
Your priorities (or how you spend your time) reflects what's really important to you. So, can you put off that yard work one more day to spend time together, or are the weeds in the garden more important than the weeds in your marriage?
Remember what Gandhi said...
Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.
Building good habits will ultimately transform your destiny as a person, as a couple, and as a family.
Now, here are some awesome resources to help make you a better dater:
- 45 At Home Date Nights - For after the kiddos go to bed!
- Monthly Love Calendar - One thing every day to do for each other to show your love.
- Take the Love Languages Test - This is part of your homework! Find out how your partner likes to give and receive love.
- Unbox Love - Scrap the planning. Just show up. We'll take care of the rest.